AJ Alanson, Author

The Philadelphia mob enforcer (retired) rubs a huge paw over his face. “Aain-jila,” my name, in his accent, starts any important paragraph, “it’s just not fair.”

Weekly, I remained a caged bird at my job while one of two topics filled his lamentations: his bad back (hence retirement) and the thanklessness of some new recipient of his largesse. “I loaned him my car. You would think he could show a little respect,” or “I gave her money and this is how I’m treated.”

I imagine how he treated people in his last job. “I don’t know what to say, Bill,” – other than if you’re truly generous, you never have to calculate fairness. Could he be taught with his age and hardened heart? This gifting was him trying to pay it backward, but it seemed to me his gifts were received exactly in the manner in which they were given. He attached strings. The people cut them.

Gifting and helping both require you ‘see’ the other person, you’ve taken the time to ‘know’ them until you spy a tiny hole and even the right bit of stuffing to fill it, but the gift still might not be best coming from you. Hence, giving is communication between people, and great giving takes awareness, patience, and most of all, honesty.

The hole in Bill’s life could likely be seen from space and I might even have known what needed to go there, but I knew I wasn’t the one to fill it. This time of year never fails to remind me of him, three decades later.